crowd

You may not realise it, but there are major advantages to being bald:

1. I only use one bottle of shampoo a year.

2. My shiny head makes me stand out in a crowd.

3. I don't have to worry about sexually transmitted diseases.

(sigh)

lord

Salt free potato chips are an abomination unto the Lord.

A vegetarian actually said this to me in the super market: "Get the Boka Burgers. After I put them on a sesame seed bun, added lettuce, tomato, some onion, ketchup, mustard, mayonaise and a pickle, it tasted just like a regular burger." ...no shit?

KFC

After 7,200 miles across the land of Mcdonalds, Subway, KFC, and Dairy Queen, the vast cultural differences that I could detect through out my trip was that in the northwest, they sell hamburgers at KFC. And they have no clue what Italian dressing is. How fucked up is that? Really, fucking hamburgers at KFC.

roam

This past summer, I took the opportunity to drive across this great country of ours. A much suspected universal truth was revealed to me: No matter who you meet in life's travels. Or how diverse the culture or communities through which you may pass, And no matter how far you may roam in this world... they never have a fucking knife in a chinese restaurant.

commercial

I went mountain biking today. There were clouds of flies hovering around my head the entire time. I felt like I was doing a commercial for U.N.I.C.E.F.

regret

Last Monday as I was coming back from Montauk, I had a choice. I could sit in traffic for a few hours. Or I could stop at a theater and see Twilight. I chose to sit in traffic. I regret nothing.