right

When I was a teenager, 32 felt really old. 48 seemed ancient. Turns out, I was right.

up

Oh my God! Within about three seconds, I've been at my fucking job for 10 years. They even gave me a "All of Your Dreams Have Formally Been Crushed" certificate to hang over my desk. In another 10 years, they'll give me a "Your Health Has Been Destroyed" Pin. sigh... So, does anything in the world signify that you've "given up" more than a chicken parmigiana hero at 03:00 AM?

old fashioned

I just finished a Hungryman Dinner. I'm not use to not knowing what part of the chicken I'm eating. Could be elbow? Could be cat? One piece had a little bit of wing, a little neck, a few ribs, as if someone took a whole chicken, mashed it into a ball, cut it into pieces, and threw them into the deep fryer. Maybe Swanson just can't afford a slaughterhouse anymore and just runs them over with a car. They do have that "splayed" bones pointing everywhere look of roadkill. Well, I guess that's why they sell it as good old fashioned American country cooking.

Jersey

Just saw the latest remake of The Planet of the Apes. I still prefer the original, you know, the one where Charlton Heston freaks out when he realizes he's been in New Jersey the whole time.

enchanted

There was a holiday themed office party at work. And they asked us to bring in holiday themed food items. Furthermore, we were asked to fill out a card which explained the food's relativity to the holiday, and the card would be displayed along with the item. Here's what my card said...

The Three Little Pigs were driving home late Christmas Eve to spend a joyous Noel with their families. The moon shown bright and the stars themselves seemed to glisten all about the snow covered crystalline landscape. Oh how the joy of the season filled their little hearts as the sped along what seemed to be an enchanted road which magically and gently curved to guide them back to home and loved ones. Gazing in wide eyed amazement, they even thought they saw Santa's sleigh streaking across the sky. And so being distracted, they crashed head on into a semi hauling barbecue sauce and were horribly burned to death in the ensuing conflagration, thus producing these succulent ribs.

Merry Christmas everybody!

run.

As I get older, it's proven over and over to me that we can not escape the consequences of our sometimes short sighted and thoughtless decisions. No matter how painful, noisy, or embarrassing they may be, or how much we desire the misery would end, our actions have dictated out predicament. I wish I had remembered this earlier today before I had that HUGE bowl of chilli followed up by a couple of bananas. Run everyone. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!

clothes

At Exactly at what age was it when I lost the ability to eat with out getting food on my clothes?