money

I just figured out what I'm going out for Halloween as: middle aged loser. I didn't feel like spending alot of money on a costume.

years

Huh? What happened to my weekend? I swear. It was just here a minute ago? I turn around and pffttt! Oh well, we're due for another weekend in... let's see.... SEVENTY TWO YEARS?!!!

some

Enough. Will you damn kids give the rabbit some fucking Trix already.

apple

Usually I stick to my 100% natural free diet. But today I had a salad. That means I’m safe to eat all the fried chicken, pork rinds, and Doritos I want. Doesn’t It? Next month, I’m going to eat an apple.

bonus

So, at work they’re looking for potential mottos or slogans that could be used for recruitment. I put a few in the suggestion box:

- Abandon hope all ye who enter here.
- My God, my God. Why hast thou forsaken me?

But I really think my third entry will be the winner:

- Arbeit Macht Frei.

Yeah, that’s it. I wonder if I’ll get a bonus?

weekend at michael's

Come on. Everyone knew. They’d pull the body out of storage, spackle in all the holes, slap on a fresh coat of paint and prop him up in front of the cameras. All the while animating him with invisible wires, voice provided by a ventriloquist. Do you really think he talked like that? He died years ago. You don’t believe me? Take a look at some recent pictures. You could see the enamel starting to chip. And every so often a piece would break off. They’d crazy glue him back together and do a few touch ups. They didn’t do a very good job though. You could see the primer bleeding through.

lie

Back in the 70’s , I like other kids was a huge David Carradine fan. But let me see if I’ve got his family’s story straight:

A secret Kung Fu society broke into his hotel room, dressed him in fish nets and women’s clothing. Then hung him with a rope around both his neck and testicles, all while keeping his feet on the floor of his closet.

I don’t get it. What was the motive? Because he was really shitty at Kung Fu? A lousy actor? Didn’t know how to match accessories? Or did he fail some test;

“Grasshopper, when you can cum on this rice paper and not leave a trace, then you will be ready.”

Sometimes it’s best to leave sleeping 70’s action stars lie.