Red

I’m sitting in a diner... Me: Is the Romanian Steak made from a real Romanian? Server: I don’t know. I’m new here. Swear to God. This just happened. ... My vacuum robot is programmed to sense when I’m in the kitchen and get underfoot. It’s just like my grandmother. ... I just met my friend’s new girlfriend. Turns out you CAN put lipstick on a pig. Deep red.

Art

I’m studying a new martial art called “buk bukgah”. It’s based on the noise a chicken makes when it runs away.

So today I was at a crossroads. I could either: 1. Go to work to earn money to exchange for food and shelter. Or... 2. Stay home and watch “Godzilla vs Space Godzilla”. Life is hard.

Lo

After many years of effort and fortitude I have finally achieved a life long goal that I have been striving for lo all these years. At last. I don’t have a single piece of clean underwear. I find myself forced to relent and do some laundry. Wait... there’s still the smell test!

Use

What use is all the Beauty in the universe if there are no eyes to see it? No brains to know it? No hearts to feel it?

third

I have two eyes and three detached retinas. How the fuck does that work!? I guess my old hippie girlfriend was right about that “third eye” shit. Actually I just think my warranty’s up. I knew I should have bought the extended.