two

Just saw a trailer for the new Three Musketeers movie coming out. So, instead of an intelligent period piece with incredible sword play we're going to get... well let me sum up what the writers and director must have thought. "People are idiots so give them this: Oooo shiny oooooo, give us $10.50 Ooooo" Not thanks. I can't wait to change the channel when it shows up on Cinemax in two months.

miles

It's really distressing when your GPS says, "In 678 miles, make left".

bad

Before working for my current employer I used to think that chest pain was a bad thing.

hole

I was just in the book store, standing by what I thought were some nice hard bound editions of the classics, when this woman who was walking by said this to her boyfriend:

"You don't need any more books. These are old stupid ones".

I thought the universe was going to end as I was sucked up into a vast black hole of ignorance.

special

I heard that Playboy is coming out with a special 25th aniversary "Women Who Wouldn't Fuck Me in a Million Years" Issue.

active

The people who work in the cafeteria at my job got all pissed off at me when I asked them if they knew that hamburgers were NOT supposed to have "active cultures".

ciao

Well... I may be poor white trash but I do have some successful relatives. In fact, one of my relatives owns a horse farm and breeds and races thoroughbreds. It's just one of those asides that many with piles and piles of cash dabble in. You know, like polo, yacht racing, white slavery, purchasing politicians, and treating sales people like total shit. Anyway, this past Saturday, his horse actually won the premier race in the country. Another cousin let me know that his toddler daughter had picked out the horse's name. I can imagine how that conversation went:

"Honey, honey, you have to pick out the name for daddy's new horse. Yes honey, puppies are pretty. No mommy does not know where your binky is. Honey.... honey, please, your french tutor is waiting so please pick one... Honey, please get off the phone with your agent... No I didn't know you were getting a text from Zurich... Yes yes I know you have to go potty... YES already, mommy's sorry that the kids at school found out you day nanny is not western European, yessss she's fired... No NO the Bentley IS fixed, you won't have to go to pre-k tomorrow in the limo... Honey PLEASE... Oh, oh... that name's very cute. Thanks honey. Ok then... I'll have my people call your people and maybe we can get together next month when I get back from Prague. Ciao!"

then

Stopped off to see Super 8 after work. It was The Goonies meets Cloverfield. And if you don't understand why those movies sucked then you are a fucking idiot and I don't want to talk to you.

sweet

I think Rogaine is Latin for "end of hope".

Anyway, no one reads this blog. That's ok. It's really just here for me to vent. But I have to admit that every so often, I check the "key words" that were used in searches that led to this blog. The number one search phrase is "bald cuban pussy". It makes me wonder if an old girlfriend has been trying to look me up. She had such sweet pet names for me.