dental

You may have inferred from previous blogs that I work in Hell. I would like to state that is the farthest thing from the truth and I meant in no way to even imply that the conditions in my work place are "hell-like". We have much better air conditioning than they. But I hear they have a much better cafeteria and dental.

keyboard

If I see one more facebook profile where some DD cup tells everyone that you just have to believe in yourself and your dreams will come true, or post about how she always gets everything that she wants due to some delusion of force of will, I'm going to puke all over my keyboard.

already

Never go to the beach with an arab. Especially one who's already tan.

different

You know, sometime you catch the tail end of someone else's conversation, and it sounds so odd, so of the wall, you convince yourself that you could not have possible heard what you thought you have heard, and you then ask the participants what the are really talking about. So today, two of the ladies in my office were talking about... "cat rape". That's right, "cat rape". Having owned a few felines, and not realising that cat rape was a wide spread problem, I felt compelled to inquire. It was explained to me by both of these ladies that indeed their female cats had been "raped". What?! Really?! Was anyone I knew responsible? Anyway they both went on to explain that their cats had come home somewhat bruised after an extensive "gang bang". "Gang bang"?! How did they know it was a "gang bang". Did the cats tell them? Was there video involved? I asked how they knew their cats weren't into it? Maybe their cats were just sluts? I also asked the standard sexist questions like: "Well, what was you cat wearing?" and "Why was she in that neighborhood at that time of night to begin with?". I suggested that maybe the male cats thought "meow meow meow" meant "yes yes yes". I never had any problem with any cat I ever owned I said, because I taught my cats to dress more demurely, attend religious services, and save themselves for marriage. But... I did have a dog who used to wear crotchless panties but that's a different story.

rest

So, two weeks ago today I dislocated my collar bone. When things like this happen to my rich cousins they get treated like they are the starting quarterback of the New York Jets. For me it's: "Take these pills and do these exercises for the rest of your life. Now get out of my office gimpy".

down

Took the train into Manhattan today and did a couple of touristy things. And it reminded me of a law of the universe that I used to hold dear and have since discarded. Up until I was a teenager, and maybe a few years later than that, there was this invisible line, circular with it's epicenter squarely in the middle of New York City, with a radius if 50 miles. And Once you stepped over this line, even if by inches, the pizza sucked and they put mustard on the hamburgers. Yuk. Well the mustard line faded into oblivion sometimes into the nineties, but I have to finally say, the pizza line in now long since dead too. Pizza in New York sucks as much as out here in the burbs. Instead of being able to find awesome tasty pizza after tasty pizza, at every roach infested shithole in New York, you have to search and search to find an even remotely good one. There was something back then to that quintessential mix of first generation Italian immigrants and rodent droppings that made our pizza the best. What the fuck: "benji's Pizza"? "Pedro's Pizza"?! And I've got news for you New York" The words "kosher" and "tasty pizza" do not mix. When I was a kid, I was so spoiled by good pizza that I couldn't eat that "Pizza Hut" shit if you paid me. That crap was for people from Syracuse. Now I've become so desensitized from all the tasteless pizza around, why I find myself actually buying Pizza hut, or worse yet, gasp Dominos. So after I grabbed a slice today before heading home I realised the great New York pizza age is at an end. I might as well nuke some Ellios, it's just as good. Maybe even... "Little Caesars". Ah who am I kidding? I'll never be able keep it down.